Holiday Parenting Plans: Tips for Divorced Parents

Holidays are a time for celebration, tradition, and family, but for divorced parents, they can also bring a sense of anxiety and uncertainty. Navigating parenting plans during the holiday season can be challenging, especially when it comes to ensuring that both parents have meaningful time with their children while minimising stress and conflict. The goal is to find a balance that allows your children to enjoy their holidays while also respecting the need for separate family traditions and maintaining a sense of normalcy.

Here are some tips to help divorced parents navigate holiday parenting plans in a way that is fair, stress-free, and beneficial for everyone involved.

1. Start Planning Early

The sooner you begin to discuss and solidify your holiday parenting plan, the better. Waiting until the last minute can lead to rushed decisions, increased misunderstandings, and unnecessary conflict. By addressing the holiday schedule well in advance, you allow time for both parents to voice concerns, make adjustments, and come to an agreement that works for everyone—especially the children.

It's important to remember that flexibility and cooperation are key. Even if you have a set holiday schedule from your divorce agreement, holidays may require additional adjustments based on your children's needs or family dynamics for that particular year.

2. Understand Your Parenting Plan and Be Flexible

Some divorced parents have a standard holiday schedule that alternates years or divides the time evenly. Others might agree on more flexible arrangements that allow each parent to celebrate certain traditions with their children. Review your parenting plan to understand how it addresses holidays, and make sure to communicate openly with your ex-spouse about any changes or requests.

For example, your plan might specify that you have Christmas Eve one year and your ex has Christmas Day, but what happens if the holiday falls in the middle of the week? Or if a child has an event like a school play or sports game that conflicts with the schedule? These are things to discuss early to avoid confusion.

Being flexible also means considering what’s best for the kids. If the children express a desire to stay longer with one parent or switch the schedule due to a special event or travel plans, being willing to work with your ex can help preserve the child’s well-being and happiness.

3. Communicate Clearly and Respectfully

Communication is the cornerstone of effective co-parenting, especially during the holidays. Try to maintain a calm and respectful tone when discussing the holiday plan. Keep in mind that these conversations are not the time to bring up past grievances or personal conflicts. Focus on your children's needs and how to make the holidays as smooth and enjoyable as possible for them.

It’s also essential to be clear in your communication. If your children are going to be with one parent for part of the holiday, make sure both parties know the exact schedule—who is picking them up, when they’ll be returned, and any special activities or plans.

4. Consider the Children’s Best Interests

While it’s natural for parents to want to spend as much time with their children as possible, it’s important to remember that your children’s emotional well-being comes first. Holiday traditions and time with both parents are important, but so is minimising stress, avoiding back-and-forth transitions, and giving your kids the space to enjoy both family units.

If your children are old enough, involve them in the conversation. Ask them about their preferences and listen to their needs. Children, especially younger ones, may not fully grasp the complexities of a shared custody arrangement, but they do understand the emotions around spending time with each parent during special occasions.

5. Consider Special Circumstances

Holidays often come with additional layers of complexity, such as travel, family gatherings, or religious observances. Be sure to address these considerations in advance and discuss any special circumstances that may impact the parenting plan.

Travel: If one parent lives out of town or in another province, the holiday season may be the time for longer visits. Discuss travel plans early and decide who will be responsible for transportation. If travel is difficult, try to plan ahead for the following holiday season.
Religious or Cultural Observances: For parents with different religious or cultural backgrounds, holidays may hold different meanings or require unique observances. In such cases, it’s essential to be understanding and respectful of the traditions each parent holds dear. You might even find a way to incorporate both families’ traditions into the holiday celebration.
New Relationships or Extended Family: The introduction of new partners or significant others can add another layer of complexity to holiday schedules. While these situations require sensitivity, try to prioritise what’s best for the children. If possible, allow your children to enjoy time with extended family members or new partners without guilt or pressure. Setting healthy boundaries and communicating openly with your ex about new relationships will help avoid unnecessary tension.

6. Be Prepared for Challenges

Holidays can bring up mixed emotions—especially for children adjusting to life after a divorce. Your child may feel sad about being away from a parent, anxious about splitting time between families, or overwhelmed by the transition from one household to the next. Be prepared for these emotions, and work with your ex-spouse to offer consistent support.

For example, if your child has a hard time transitioning between homes, you could create a small “holiday kit” with their favourite toys, snacks, or comfort items that they can take with them. This can help ease the transition and make them feel more settled. You might also consider creating a visual calendar to help younger children understand where they will be and when.

7. Create New Traditions and Make the Most of the Time Together

While it’s important to respect the traditions of both parents, the holidays can also be a great time to create new traditions with your children. These new rituals can help build positive memories and give everyone something to look forward to, regardless of the family structure.

Whether it’s baking cookies, watching a favourite movie, or starting a “thankfulness” activity, simple traditions that fit your family’s unique needs can create lasting bonds. Even if you don’t get the “perfect” holiday picture every year, the quality of time spent together matters more than perfection.

8. Don’t Forget About Self-Care

Parenting during the holidays can be emotionally and physically draining. Take time for self-care, whether it’s getting enough rest, finding moments of relaxation, or spending time with friends or a support network. When you’re able to recharge, you’ll be in a better position to manage the challenges that come with shared custody arrangements and make the holidays easier for everyone.

Final Thoughts

Parenting plans during the holidays require a delicate balance of flexibility, communication, and understanding. By planning ahead, keeping your children's best interests in mind, and maintaining a cooperative spirit, you can navigate the complexities of shared holidays and create positive memories for your family.

It may not always be easy, but with mutual respect and a focus on what matters most—the happiness and well-being of your children—divorced parents can make the holiday season a joyful time for everyone involved.