Why Avoiding Conflict Over the Holidays Often Makes Things Worse
- Ivan Veenemans
- Dec 26, 2025
- 4 min read
Avoiding conflict over the holidays often makes things worse in the new year because unresolved issues do not disappear, they build. When families rely on conflict avoidance to preserve short-term peace, underlying tensions intensify beneath the surface. By January, these unresolved issues frequently resurface with greater emotional strain, leading many families to seek conflict resolution in South Africa through family mediation South Africa, family mediation, family court mediation, or family law mediation, only after relationships have already been damaged.
In short, avoiding conflict delays resolution and increases the emotional cost later.
Why Conflict Avoidance Feels Necessary During the Holidays
The festive season places strong emotional and social pressure on families to appear harmonious. Many people avoid difficult conversations to protect celebrations, children, and extended family relationships. While this instinct is understandable, conflict avoidance often prevents healthy communication and ultimately, negatively impacts conflict resolution in South Africa.
When concerns remain unspoken, emotions accumulate rather than resolve. Silence may be interpreted as agreement, indifference, or emotional withdrawal, slowly eroding trust and setting the stage for deeper conflict once the holidays end.
How Avoided Conflict Escalates in the New Year
January removes the emotional buffers that kept conflict contained. As normal routines resume, several pressures combine to intensify unresolved issues:
Work and school responsibilities return abruptly
Financial pressure increases after holiday spending
Emotional reserves are already depleted
As a result, issues postponed in December often resurface:
Suddenly rather than gradually
With greater emotional intensity
At a time when patience and willingness to compromise are low
In family mediation South Africa, January is widely recognised as a peak period for:
Co-parenting breakdowns
Divorce and separation discussions
Extended family disputes
What could have been addressed calmly earlier often becomes more complex once positions have hardened and emotions have intensified.
The Impact of Conflict Avoidance on Families and Children
Avoiding conflict does not protect families in the long term. Children are highly perceptive and often sense unresolved tension, even when adults believe they are shielding them. Ongoing unaddressed conflict can increase anxiety, create confusion about family relationships, and undermine emotional security.
Family mediation offers a structured space for respectful communication that prioritises emotional safety, particularly where children are involved. Early engagement supports healthier family dynamics and reduces long-term emotional harm.
Why Family Mediation Is More Effective Than Waiting
Family law mediation allows families to engage with conflict constructively before disputes reach crisis point. Mediation provides a neutral and supported environment where parties can communicate openly and focus on practical solutions rather than blame.
In South Africa, family court mediation is increasingly encouraged because it reduces emotional strain, saves time and financial costs, and produces agreements that parties are more likely to honour.
Conflict Resolution in South Africa and the Role of Mediation
Conflict resolution in South Africa places growing emphasis on mediation as a way to preserve dignity, reduce court congestion, and encourage cooperative problem-solving. Courts recognise that mediated outcomes are often more sustainable than imposed decisions, particularly in family matters where ongoing relationships must be maintained.
For families entering the new year with unresolved conflict, mediation provides a constructive path forward that focuses on stability rather than escalation.
Research and Testimony: What the Evidence Shows
Research consistently confirms that unresolved conflict escalates when avoided, particularly within families. Studies show that early mediation reduces emotional harm, improves communication, and increases long-term compliance with agreements.
The South African Department of Justice and Constitutional Development identifies mediation as a key mechanism for resolving family disputes and reducing reliance on adversarial court processes.
Source: https://www.justice.gov.za
The South African Law Reform Commission reports that alternative dispute resolution improves access to justice and supports cooperative engagement, especially where ongoing relationships such as co-parenting are involved.
Source: https://www.justice.gov.za/salrc
International research published in the Family Court Review demonstrates that parents who engage in mediation earlier experience higher satisfaction, improved communication, and stronger long-term outcomes than those who delay resolution.
Source: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com
South African mediation practitioners also consistently observe that disputes postponed over the festive season often return in January with increased hostility, making resolution more complex and emotionally taxing.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
Why does avoiding conflict during the holidays make issues worse later?
Avoidance allows emotions and misunderstandings to accumulate. Once holiday distractions end, unresolved issues often surface with greater intensity and less patience for compromise.
Is January really a high-conflict period for families?
Yes. January is one of the busiest periods for family mediation South Africa, as postponed discussions resurface once normal routines resume.
Should families address conflict during the holidays?
Difficult conversations do not need to happen during celebrations, but postponing them entirely often leads to escalation. Mediation provides a safer and more structured space outside the holiday environment.
Can mediation still help if conflict has escalated?
Yes. Family mediation remains effective even when conflict has intensified, helping parties reset communication and move toward resolution.
How does family court mediation differ from litigation?
Family court mediation focuses on collaboration and problem-solving, reducing emotional strain and often producing faster, more sustainable outcomes than court proceedings.
Avoidance often deepens disputes.
Mediation Academy SA offers accredited mediation courses that teach practical skills for addressing conflict early and guiding constructive resolution.
References
Department of Justice and Constitutional Development (South Africa). (2023). Mediation and alternative dispute resolution in family matters. Pretoria: Department of Justice and Constitutional Development.Accessed: 26 December 2025.
South African Law Reform Commission. (2022). Alternative dispute resolution and access to justice. Pretoria: South African Law Reform Commission.Accessed: 26 December 2025.
Emery, R.E. and Wyer, M.M. (2018). ‘Child custody mediation and litigation: Parents’ satisfaction and functioning’. Family Court Review, 56(1), pp. 1–15.Accessed: 26 December 2025.
Date published: 26 December 2025
Publisher: Mediation Academy SA
© 2025 Mediation Academy SA
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